Dad Refusing to Pay for Daughter's Wedding Over Her One Demand Backed

Anne Thompson

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A father refusing to pay for his daughter's wedding after she denied his request to walk her down the aisle is being backed online. In a post on July 2 to Reddit, user u/Live_Appointment4219 wrote that his 19-year-old daughter is getting married. Describing her as an "independent thinker," she has chosen to eschew certain wedding traditions. This includes having her father "give her away" at the altar, calling the act "sexist." "She argues that her mother and I don't 'own' her, therefore we have no right to 'give her away,'" the 48-year-old father wrote. "I feel hurt by this because we never treated her like an object or piece of property, rather we've tried our best to provide her with a wonderful life."

Father walking his daughter down the aisle — A father walking his daughter down the aisle. His daughter doesn't want her father to "give her away," choosing to ditch the tradition. Yurii Kifor/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Like many wedding customs, etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts said the tradition has evolved over time. "Many couples embrace a more egalitarian approach, aiming to remove gender-specific roles or expectations," she told Newsweek. "As societal norms continue to evolve, some couples reinterpret or adapt traditional customs to align with contemporary values," Grotts said. This can include asking both parents or another family to walk the bride down the aisle, or ditching the tradition altogether. "[Couples may also] incorporate unique rituals, symbolic gestures, or cultural practices that hold personal significance for them, rather than adhering strictly to long-standing traditions," Grotts added. The Reddit user wrote that he and his daughter have always been close, and this fallout is the first real snag in their relationship. "I respect her choices, but I feel she's disregarding our feelings completely," he posted. "As a response, I told her that if she feels that way, then I won't be paying for her wedding." Live_Appointment4219 added he's not controlling or manipulative, but that he also doesn't "owe her" the wedding money. "She can pay for her own wedding if she's insistent on this stance," he wrote. The tradition of a father "giving away" the bride began when men literally owned their daughters, according to Brides.com. The act symbolized a father handing his daughter over to her new husband, usually in exchange for a dowry—money or gifts to compensate for her loss of labor and child-bearing potential.

Father reasoning with his adult daughter — A father trying to reason with his adult daughter. The Reddit user has tried to change his daughter's mind, refusing to pay for her wedding if she doesn't budge. Goran13/iStock/Getty Images Plus

The majority of Reddit users backed the poster. "You heard her. She is independent," commented darkyoda182. "Independent people deal with their own bills." "Father of the bride paying for the wedding came from the exact same tradition as walking her down the Isle and giving her away," wrote Automatic-Capital-33. "Dumping one tradition while keeping the other because you'd quite like to keep the money thanks is hypocritical."

A rose lapel pin with a "father of the bride" label attached. The poster and his daughter have since come to a compromise, mending their strained relationship. suzieldk/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Money_Pair agreed, writing: "If it's about the concept, Keep it consistent at-least, not only when it's beneficial." However, some users felt he was using money to control his daughter. "You care more about meaningless traditions than your daughter's happiness," commented dcm510. "You raised an independent thinker but when that independent thinking is counter to you, you're going to punish her?" asked Stormschance. "You straight are acting out on emotions and a bruised ego," wrote SoLongMeatbags. "Keep it up and your daughter will probably just rescind your invite." "Try to respect your child's independent thinking and point of view, and you shouldn't expect your children to always compromise their principles because of your feelings," posted Embarassed-Debate60. In an update, Live_Appointment4219 wrote that he and his daughter had reached a compromise. "I've decided to give my daughter a gift in the same amount as her older sister's wedding cost," he added. "My daughter has also agreed to figure out a way to include us in a way that doesn't involve 'giving her away.' We disagree, but that doesn't mean it's a relationship-ending event." Newsweek reached out to u/Live_Appointment4219 via Reddit, but they declined to comment. We could not verify the details of the case. Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.