Fury as Woman Demands Apology From Boyfriend After 'Wild' Family Party

A post about a woman whose boyfriend allegedly made her family "seem like drunks" after seeing them at a party has sparked debate on Reddit. In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum under the username Hot_Touch3482, the 22-year-old woman said her boyfriend attended a family party over the Easter holiday. "We are your stereotypical large Irish family that does enjoy drinking when we get together. Nobody gets sloshed but people are anticipating a pretty good time when we all get together," she said. The poster said her boyfriend spoke to his mom on the phone and the way he described the party "made us [her family] look like drunks." According to the girlfriend, the boyfriend told his mom the party was "wild," explaining "Like 10 minutes after we get back from church Oh here comes aunt Suzy with a tray of whiskey shots for everyone."

An April 2016 study published in the Drugs: Education, Prevention and Policy journal revealed that "norms about drinking are not uniform within and across countries" and perhaps the most commonly cited typology of drinking norms is the categorization into "wet" or "dry" cultures. This categorization is based on drinking patterns, the extent of drunkenness and drinking problems, and the systems of controls that exist in a given country, the study said. In this framing, "wet" cultures, such as France or Italy, are characterized by "high per capita consumption and alcohol-related chronic disease and mortality, less restrictive control structures and lower rates of drunkenness." But "dry" cultures, such as Sweden or the U.S., are marked by "less frequent but heavier drinking, more restrictive control structures and higher rates of drunkenness, violence and social disruption," the study noted. Drinking habits in the U.S. were reported to also vary by faith, with those who are religiously active being less likely to consume alcohol than those who aren't as religious, according to the Pew Research Center. In a 2015 Pew Research Center survey, half of U.S. adults (51 percent) who say they attend religious services at least once a month reported drinking alcohol in the previous 30 days, compared with 62 percent of those who attend worship services less often or not at all. The girlfriend in the latest Reddit post said her boyfriend's family is "almost the opposite" of her own family. "There's rarely alcohol at his family events and if there is it's usually like a glass of wine that someone may have and that's it. It doesn't matter to me. I can have fun drinking and not drinking."

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According to the poster, her boyfriend allegedly told his mom: "I was asked by 3 different cousins to shotgun a beer" and that "It literally felt like I was at a college party but with drunk old people and little kids running around." The user said the boyfriend was "laughing it off," before ending the phone call with his mom. The user accused him of painting her "whole family as alcoholics and now his parents probably think less of me." Her boyfriend "assured" her that his parents aren't "judgmental," the poster said, but she still thinks "he was wrong." She told her boyfriend that she wants an apology. "I want to hear him call his mom back and tell him he was exaggerating and that wasn't true (even though what he said was true about the shots and the beer)." The girlfriend explained: "I understand that my defensiveness comes from a place of not understanding that others may do things differently. I must respect the opinions of others but at the same time I enjoy my family and we have fun. I'm proud to be part of it. I will no longer be so defensive."

'It's Natural To Feel Uncomfortable'

Julia Purcaro is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) and credentialed alcoholism and substance abuse counselor at the Mountainside Treatment Center. She told Newsweek that it's understandable that the woman in the latest Reddit post is worried that her boyfriend's mother would think less of her. Describing the Easter gathering in the way he did "could bring the mother to make her own judgments about the girlfriend's family" and "these presumptions can create a rift in the family dynamics," she said. The therapist said the boyfriend could have "phrased his experience in a way that was more informative." If he is not used to drinking at family gatherings, then telling his mother that it was "uncomfortable" for him would have been "perfectly acceptable," Purcaro explained.

'This Is an Opportunity To Learn More About One Another'

Steven McGough, an LMFT at Thriveworks, a company offering mental health services in person and online, told Newsweek: "Our families create our reality. What seems ordinary and commonplace in one family can seem strange in another. This is no less true than with drinking culture." The boyfriend in the latest Reddit post appeared to be "expressing the novelty of being at a family event that was different from his own experience," he noted. McGough believes "this is an opportunity to learn more about one another, where you come from, and understand yourselves as a couple." He explained that the purpose of dating is to get to know each other in an honest, open way in order to determine compatibility and "this includes knowing their family and how they have been shaped by this." Purcaro agreed, saying the poster should be specific about why the situation was hurtful. "These conversations may be difficult, but you need to be honest about what bothered you. This can be a huge opportunity for growth in the relationship where both parties' feelings are acknowledged in the future."

'He Didn't Lie'

Several users on Reddit criticized the original poster for expecting her boyfriend to call his mom and "lie" to her about the party. Others said the boyfriend could have been more "careful" with his comments. User Annalirra said: "YTA [you're the a******] for expecting him to call back and lie to his mother. You just said what he told her about the whiskey shots and beers is true. If your worried that makes your family look like a bunch of drunks, maybe what you're really embarrassed about is that's not so far off," in a comment that got 19,300 upvotes. User DanniTheGrrl said: "I think you need to consider that maybe his remarks were a bit too true for your ears, not his mom's," in a comment that got 4,900 upvotes. User daveescaped agreed, writing: "I mean, all he did was tell his Mom what the party was like. He gave her facts and it made her family look bad. In his shoes I probably would have been more careful about my comments. But he didn't lie," in a comment that got 1,700 upvotes. Redditor miltonthemantis wrote: "I agree. If I was in his shoes I wouldn't have gone into the level of details he did. Probably just say I had a fun time and a couple of drinks with her family." Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment via the Reddit messaging system. Do you have a similar relationship dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.