Man Denying Kids $50K Inheritance From Their Dying Grandad Slammed

A man planning to turn down a $50,000 inheritance meant for his children is being blasted online. Sharing his story on Reddit's Am I the A******? (AITA) forum, user u/BitFlashy1566 explained that his father left his family 25 years ago to travel the world. He promised to keep in touch, but never did, devastating the poster and his mother. His father recently reached out to tell BitFlashy1566 that he's dying. He is dividing his assets up and wants to give $25,000 each to the poster's daughters, aged 15 and 13. However, the man intends to reject the offer, as he views it as condoning his father's actions. Nevertheless, he'd be taking a substantial amount of money away from his own children if he said no.

Redditors sympathized with BitFlashy1566's conundrum but said he'd be "the a******" if he withholds the cash from his daughters. In less than 24 hours, the post has received almost 7,000 likes and almost 4,000 comments from users aiming to change the poster's mind.

'Secrets get revealed'

Ruth E. Freeman, the founder and president of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions, said family secrets are "never a good thing." "They tend to get revealed at some point and that usually results in a lot of hurt feelings," she told Newsweek. She said it's understandable that BitFlashy1566 would be reluctant to take money from his estranged father, but hiding the offer from his children—and making a decision on their behalf—is not a good idea. "Dad needs to realize that keeping this secret may end up hurting his kids later on and that is probably one of the last things he wants to do, given the injuries he felt from his own father," Freeman said. "The whole matter would best be handled with a family meeting. His kids are old enough to consider this issue and express their opinions about it."

'That's very selfish of you'

In his post, BitFlashy1566 said he was 20 years old when his father abandoned him and his mother. "To him, he'd fulfilled his obligation to raise me to an adult and wanted to cut ties and live his own life because he became a father very young," he wrote. "I know it shouldn't have affected me as much as it did, since I was an adult, but it devastated my mom and he promised he'd keep in touch with all of us. He never did." Since leaving, his father fulfilled his dream of traveling the world. He and BitFlashy1566 have only spoken a few times over the years, with his father ignoring his attempts to communicate.

Twenty-five years later, the poster is married with two teenage daughters. His children know of their grandfather's existence, but do not view him in a favorable light. "I was always forthright and told my daughters that he decided not to be a dad anymore and it hurt grandma and me deeply," he said. "My kids have a generally negative view of him and they came to their own conclusions given all the facts with no hyperbole or sugarcoating." BitFlashy1566 was surprised when his father got in touch to tell him that he has stage four lung cancer and doesn't have long left to live. "We talked a bit about him leaving and he said he doesn't regret his decision because his life was 'taken from him,'" he wrote. "He said he respects that I turned into a well-adjusted adult and he's proud that I've got so far, even without him, but that he doesn't love me and has no intention of seeing me before he goes." Despite the cruel conversation, his father wants to leave $25,000 to BitFlashy1566's daughters, as they're his only grandchildren. The offer put the poster in a difficult position. "I'm conflicted because accepting this money means, at least how my brain rationalizes it, that I forgive him or that it's okay or healthy to have lived how he did," he said. "I don't want my kids to get a lump sum and suddenly have a change of heart about him. I'm thinking of refusing the money on their behalf because it sets a bad example." BitFlashy1566's wife supports his decision to turn the money down, but he's still unsure if he's doing the right thing. "[Would I be the a******] to my kids for taking this choice from them?" he asked. "They don't know about it and my plan is to keep them in the dark about it, possibly forever."

Reddit users almost unanimously agreed that BitFlashy1566 would be wrong to keep the inheritance from his daughters, regardless of his feelings towards their grandfather. "You said it yourself. You want to preserve your kids' negative opinion of him," Redditor throw05282021 said. "That's very selfish of you. You want to ensure he dies without ever having done one single nice thing for your kids." Unknownun2891 agreed, writing: "He's all brutal honesty about someone else's actions, yet he doesn't want his kids to know what he does." Ari_ofAthens commented: "You shouldn't be punishing your kids for mistakes someone else made." MaybeAWalrus said: "I know it's hard, but at the end of the day, it's just money. Your love for your children should be bigger than your hate for your dad. It doesn't have to mean you forgave him. You can make it clear to your child that he is still a bad person." BitFlashy1566 is far from the only person to share their inheritance drama with the internet. A dying woman refusing to include her debt-ridden parents in her will was recently backed by Reddit users, while a man expecting his grieving wife to pay for his family's meal with her inheritance was dubbed a "grasping ghoul." In a recent What Should I Do? column, a Newsweek reader asked our experts for advice on dealing with her family who are "unfair with money," before she gives up and disowns them. Newsweek reached out to u/BitFlashy1566 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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