5 Phrases to Make Your Older Child Feel Special, According to an Expert

When a new baby arrives, older siblings can often feel overlooked. Public health professional and mom-of-two Violeta Gordeljevic (@violeta.parenting.science) shared an Instagram reel featuring five simple phrases parents can use to help their older child feel special during this transition. According to Gordeljevic, also the science communicator for The Parenting Class, sibling relationships play a crucial role in forming a child's emotional development.

"It's crucial to shape sibling relationships, not just when conflicts arise, but proactively and preventively, helping children build a positive perception of each other and a positive narrative of this new stage in their life, right from the start," Gordeljevic said. Some of the phrases included in Gordeljevic's reel were: "Oh dear, he's crying again. What do you think he needs? As his sibling, I think you understand him so well." "Babies need a lot of care, don't they? I'm so glad you're a big kid and we can have so much fun together." "Shall we make up a song and sing to your sister later? I wonder if we can make her laugh together." When Gordeljevic had her second-born, she delved into the research to help her older daughter cope. "Sibling jealousy in the preschool years is linked to lower-quality sibling relationships later in childhood … [while] strong sibling bonds in middle and old age are associated with greater well-being," she said. Gordeljevic pointed to a 2011 study by Amy M. Kolak and Brenda L. Volling on sibling jealously in early childhood that found positive sibling relationships correlate with better mood, health and life satisfaction. A common misconception is that reducing sibling jealousy means treating children equally, but Gordeljevic said that a newborn's needs are different from those of an older child. "I realized that instead of forcing equality, the key is to embrace and celebrate these differences, so the lines in the reel encourage parents to acknowledge and value what each child uniquely brings to the family," Gordeljevic told Newsweek. The phrases in her reel emphasize this idea by showing that babies need extra care. Older children have their own special privileges, or "big kid perks" as Gordeljevic calls them, whether it is enjoying a favorite snack, playing hide, and seek or sharing inside jokes with a parent. "These are things their younger sibling can't do yet and reinforcing this can help them feel special at a time when they might feel overshadowed by the baby," Gordeljevic added.

Reference

Kolak, A. M., Volling, B. L. (2011). Sibling jealousy in early childhood: longitudinal links to sibling relationship quality. Infant and Child Development, Vol. 20, Issue 2. https://doi.org/10.1002/icd.690