Mom Placed 2 Kids for Adoption—but She's Determined To Stay in Their Lives

A young mom from Texas has opened up for the first time about the heartbreaking reality of placing two of her children for adoption. In a clip on TikTok, Maddy Ballenger (@__._mads_.__) said that she placed her son in the adoption system in June 2022 and her daughter in May 2024. Ballenger, 24, told Newsweek that her decision was the most-devastating choice she has ever made. "I worry everyday about them and constantly think of them," she said. "They are always in the back of my mind. It's something you will never truly understand unless you have to come face to face with the decision yourself."

When she first had her son, Ballenger was in an abusive relationship and living with her parents without a job. Later, when she had her daughter, she suffered from postpartum depression and psychosis, which affected her ability to work. "I just knew they deserved better," Ballenger said. For a long time, the pain created distance—even during the scheduled visits with her adopted children. "Every single visit I've had with my kids since I've placed them, I feel like I've had … an emotional wall put up," Ballenger said in her clip, "to the point I kind of just didn't even want to play with them." This barrier, she told Newsweek, was a form of self-preservation. "As much as I hate to admit it, it made them feel like strangers to me. When my birth son was at the baby age, I was weary of holding him, terrified he would cry and it would hurt me because I wouldn't know how to comfort him, just like with my birth daughter," Ballenger said. But the love for her children was always there. When they were born, Ballenger felt immediately attached to them. "I was in love. But, as time went on in the open adoptions and I spent time away from them … I felt that attachment fade away." On her son's fourth birthday, something changed during one of her visits. "I wasn't afraid. I wanted to be involved as much as I could and soak up every moment. I looked at my children with absolute love in my eyes, not that the love ever went away, but rather it amplified, and I knew who they were again. I felt like I had finally woken up." Ballenger's video has been viewed more than 228,000 times and received over 2,800 likes. After years of silence, she explained the reason she felt ready to speak publicly. "I realized I am probably not alone in feeling that way as a birth parent, I wanted to bring awareness to it and make sure others know they are not alone," Ballenger said. As she looks forward, she added that she has no desire to change the nature of the open adoptions and, in fact, she is grateful for the adoptive families. "My hopes for the future and rebuilding my family are that I want things to stay the way they are, at least where the open adoptions stand. We are the definition of a big, happy family, and I couldn't have asked for better parents for both of my children," Ballenger said. As for her and her son at home, their future plans are to continue to heal and take it one step at a time.