Unemployed Man Claiming Wife 'Only Loves Him For Money' Sparks Fury

Anne Thompson

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A jobless man accusing his wife of 'only [loving] him for money' is being blasted online. The story was shared on Mumsnet's "Am I Being Unreasonable?" (AIBU) forum by the man's wife—user namechanged4thiss. In her post, she explained that her husband quit his job last year to start his own life-coaching business. She wasn't happy about the decision, as he was previously earning £36,000 (roughly $44,800) and they have a young child to care for. Since becoming unemployed, her husband has been living off money loaned from his parents. Although the parents have given them 10 years to repay the loan, she is still anxious about the decision.

Husband and wife arguing over a receipt — A stock photo of a husband and wife arguing over a receipt. The poster is tired of her husband's spending habits. fizkes/iStock/Getty Images Plus

"We worked out we can live off it until around September, then s*** hits the fan because I can't cover all costs on my salary alone," she said. She feels he is not dedicating enough time to his business, choosing to go for lunch with friends or to the gym rather than focusing on work. His spending habits are also causing tension. "He has no concept of budgeting," she said. "[He] spent £1k on an item he wanted but he says is for his business. "This irritates me because I feel like I am sacrificing a lot, and he's not." The poster recently received a promotion, taking her salary up to £50,000 (around £62,000). However, all of her money is being used to keep their family afloat. When she complained about the financial discrepancy, her husband accused her of only being unsupportive. "[He] says my love for him is conditional on money. I say he's being an unrealistic t***," she said. "AIBU?"

Is Your Partner Not Paying Their Way?

A 2021 study by Wealth of Geeks and Credit.com found that almost a quarter of U.S. couples break up over finances. Kristal DeSantis—a licensed marriage and family counselor at Austin STRONG: Relationship Building Center—said it's common for couples to disagree on money matters, which is why partners should broach the subject "early and often." "The important thing is a shared vision for a financial future," she told Newsweek.

A husband and wife ignoring each post-argument — A husband and wife ignoring each other after an argument. The poster said her husband puts no effort into his new business. PeopleImages/iStock/Getty Images Plus

Although there's no right or wrong way for a couple to split costs, it's important for both partners to be comfortable with joint financial decisions. If one partner is unwillingly shouldering the financial burden, then this is a red flag. "There is a difference between "can't pay their share"—which may be due to illness or loss of job—and "won't pay their share," she said. If your partner is not interested in contributing, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

'His Plans Are To Live off You'

Fellow Mumsnet users agreed the poster was "not being unreasonable," with NameChange60000 calling her husband "ridiculous." "It's almost laughable how he thinks you want him for his money when he doesn't have any," agreed Bananalanacake. "His plans are to live off you," warned Supersimkin2. "He's just a man of leisure at this point with a pipe dream, while you do the work," wrote ghostyslovesheets. DelurkingLawyer urged namechanged4thiss to seek legal advice should they split, especially considering the loan from his parents. "Dump him now before he can argue he is SAHP," advised Ktime. "I'd be thinking about drawing a line under this relationship before it becomes completely financially abusive," commented TheMatriarchy. In an update, namechanged4thiss said separating from her husband was inevitable. "Today he clarified that he didn't mean I only love him for money. What he meant was I only care about money," she said. "Not sure how this has become my life. I'm seriously considering options." Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case. Do you have a monetary dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.