Man Choosing Rescue Cat Over Long-Term Girlfriend Cheered: 'Made My Choice'

Anne Thompson

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Why Owning a Pet Can Be Good for Couples

While not every couple may be a fan of cats or other pets, owning them can be beneficial for romantic relationships. In a September 2016 study in the peer-reviewed journal Anthrozoös, pet ownership was associated with several relationship benefits, such as "greater overall relationship quality, partner responsiveness, adjustment and relational investment," compared with couples without pets. The study stated: "A pet might provide the opportunity to practice empathic abilities, which is a crucial ability in the maintenance of positive relationships." The findings showed that "the number of years an individual owned a pet was positively correlated with empathic concern, which in turn was linked to several relationship benefits," such as commitment, couple identity and relationship maintenance behaviors.

My Partner Hates Cats—Should We Break Up?

Author and relationship expert Bethany Nicole told Newsweek "there could have been lots of other resolutions to the situation," instead of breaking up with the partner, such as establishing some ground rules around the pet. Nicole said perhaps the "cat hater" could have set up boundaries for living with the pet, such as not allowing it into the bedroom or on the bed, or agreeing that most of the animal's care would fall on the original poster, the owner. The author added such matters could have been addressed "far before" the couple got to a place of moving in together. "The deception around the partner's true feelings around the pet and the non-compromising approach they had to the problem all show an emotional immaturity that is not conducive to long-term commitments," Nicole said. She added that the girlfriend should have been "upfront about their feelings about pets from the get-go... the cat owner made a commitment to that animal and most likely has a connection to it, that all needs to be taken into consideration." Ken Barton, a relationship expert and the founder of the dating app Kupid, told Newsweek: "A lot of things could be prevented if people were honest from the start about their boundaries. What I see often is people are willing to ignore things that bother them in the beginning in hopes of establishing a relationship. Spoiler alert. That doesn't work." The user in the Reddit post wrote: "I asked her [Melissa] at the start of our relationship if she is allergic to cats and she said 'no.'" The girlfriend said she "pretended to be happy" around the cat before revealing she "secretly thought" that cats are "ugly and annoying" and thinks Connie "looks dumb." The poster said Melissa allegedly didn't tell him or anyone else about how she felt "because she was afraid people might look at her weird."

A woman looking angry holding cat. — A stock image of a woman looking frustrated and startled while holding a cat. A post about a girlfriend who gave their partner an ultimatum over a cat has gone viral on Reddit. iStock/Getty Images Plus

Do People Love Pets More Than Their Partners?

In the case of the Reddit post, Barton doesn't think the user's ultimate decision means he loves or values his pet more than his partner. "The cat in this situation is just the symptom of the disease in their relationship. "I think it means he values a person who is upfront and honest with him from the beginning," Barton said. Perhaps the original poster realized "she wasn't the person he thought she was if she would blindside him with an ultimatum," he added.

What Ultimatums Mean in Relationships

Nicole said: "Usually if you are in the ultimatum zone, then communication has broken down somewhere previously." The author says the original poster's decision to choose their cat over their partner was about not wanting to be with someone who was "not truthful about their feelings, likes, wants or needs, and was not emotionally mature enough to express those things in any other way than an ultimatum. "Ultimatums set relationships up for resentment and ultimately failure. Using them as a tool to force their will on a partner is a pattern, and usually one that won't end with one incident," Nicole added. Several Reddit users sided with the original poster in messages of support for his decision. In a comment that received 4,500 upvotes, user therealcosmicnebula wrote: "She's allowed to not like cats. But she's an a****** for expecting you to choose her over your cat. Redditor opption_unpossible posted: "OP is the best kind of person," while Shadow293 commented: "I can't stand people that force ultimatums..." ConcernedPotato wrote: "Seriously. Who does she think she is? She should just date someone else who also doesn't like cats...Glad op knew exactly what to do." Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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