Secret Ways to Understand Your Partners 'Love Language'

You don't always need your partner to spell out their love language—chances are, they're already showing you without realizing it. Relationship experts say that by paying attention to small but consistent patterns, you can uncover what makes your partner feel most loved. Newsweek spoke to clinical psychologist Dr. Easton Gaines and therapist Lisa Anderson about ways you can intuit your partner's love language. They agreed: love languages aren't just about words—they're also about actions, habits and even frustrations.

3 Ways To Decode Your Partner's Love Language

Here are three key ways to decode your partner's love language—even without them saying a word.

Pay attention to what they give

Both Dr. Gaines and Anderson agreed that people naturally express love in the way they want to be loved. If your partner is always planning fun date nights, they likely value quality time. If they bring you small surprises or do small favors for you, they might feel most loved through acts of service. "Many of us express love in the way we hope to receive it," Dr. Gaines, founder of MindCare Psychology, said. "Watch how they love you, because it's often a mirror of what they need most." Anderson, who serves as clinical director at Brooks Healing Center, echoed this, adding, "If your partner constantly makes you coffee in the morning, that is not just a pleasant habit—it is probably their way of showing love. Moreover, they would love it if you did something similar for them."

Listen to their complaints

Your partner's biggest frustrations often hint at their unmet emotional needs. "The key is to listen between the lines—what are they yearning for without outright asking?" Dr. Gaines said. If your partner frequently says, "You never say how you feel about me," words of affirmation might just be their love language," she added. If they seem upset when plans change or when you're distracted during time together, they likely value presence and undivided attention. Anderson agreed: "Notice what disappoints them. If they seem off when you forget to say 'thank you' for something small, words of affirmation might mean more to them than you realize."

Notice what soothes them in stressful moments

How your partner reacts to stress may be one of the clearest indicators of their love language. "Love is about meeting people where they are," Dr. Gaines explained. "The best way to do that is to notice what brings them a sense of peace, joy or belonging." If they instinctively reach for your hand, physical touch might be their primary way of feeling comforted. If they relax when you take care of small tasks for them, acts of service may be their love language. Anderson added that body language is just as important as words. "Pay attention to when they light up—do they get extra happy when you randomly hug them?" she said. "Do they seem touched when you acknowledge their efforts?" Once you start picking up on these patterns, you can be more intentional about how you show love. As Anderson put it, "Small, consistent gestures that align with their natural preferences build deeper emotional security over time." At the end of the day, love languages aren't just about grand gestures, but about making your partner feel truly seen in the little moments—and those moments don't always involve words.